Snooker in the 1980s was box-office in the UK. The game was full of characters, something the sport’s never knowingly undersold empresario Barry Hearn exploited as part of his Matchroom stable of players. A year after what became known as the black-ball final, Hearn commissioned Cockney bar-room singalong pop-rock duo Chas & Dave – who had written two FA Cup final songs for Tottenham in the early ‘80s – to come up with a song to promote the sport’s top players. Snooker Loopy is a contender for the best sports song ever recorded – it’s certainly the most catchy. The chorus, “Pot the red and screw back for the yellow, green, brown, blue, pink and black,” served not only as an earworm, but also a handy reminder to those new to the game of the order in which the ball are potted.
Six of Hearn’s players – Davis, Taylor, Terry Griffiths, Willie Thorne, Tony Meo and Neal Foulds – each had their own verse which played on their idiosyncrasies. “Steve last year came very near to winning the snooker crown,” went beaten 1985 finalist Davis’ section, “but he never got to put it on his ginger nut, ‘cos the black ball wouldn’t go down.’”
Follicly challenged Thorne’s verse, however, is the high watermark. “But old Willie Thorne, his hair’s all gone,” it began, the last word pronounced in a Cockney-accented ‘gawn’ to ensure the rhyme, before continuing, “It’s just not fair giving off that glare.” Thorne, himself, delivered the punchline: “Perhaps I ought to chalk it.”
It charted at 98 as the 1986 World Championships started, eventually peaking at No6 in late May – also in the Top 10 that week were Madonna, Van Halen and Level 42 – the players even appearing on legendary music show Top of the Pops in the process.
Snooker could only be an English invention. Played exclusively indoors away from the grey drizzle – usually in smoky pub backrooms or dedicated snooker halls where illegal betting was once rife – it’s a slow-build sport that resembles cricket for its delayed gratification and economy of actual movement. It’s also the perfect sport to work, revise or waste time to. Back in my university days while revising for my finals, the snooker was my permanent soulmate, albeit how much it actually helped me recall the political upheaval of the Spanish Second Republic in the 1930s is open for debate.
Yet anyone who has attempted to play on a full-size snooker table will know how difficult it is to play. The pinnacle of the sport is a 147 break – 15 reds, 15 blacks, followed by the six colours in order – yet even perfection only accounts for one frame in a match, much like a nine-dart finish or a 300-game in ten-pin bowling. Since 1926, the year of the first world title, there have only been 175 maximum – Davis recorded the first at the Lada Classic in 1982.